‘The Masked Singer’ Recap: Nick Cannon Returns & The Bulldog Is Unmasked

‘The Masked Singer’ Recap: Nick Cannon Returns & The Bulldog Is Unmasked

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Avery Thompson
Entertainment Director

The Bulldog surprised Group B as this week’s wildcard, but he ended up being sent home by the end of the episode. However, Niecy Nash threw us the ultimate twist!

The Group B finals have arrived, and there’s a new wildcard singer on the way. The first Group B masked singer to perform is the Black Swan. She slays her performance of “How Will I Know” by Whitney Houston. Her final clue is a unicorn, which she reveals is one of her prized possessions because it honors one of her best friends who passed away. The guesses include Emily Osment and Victoria Justice.

Next up is Piglet. He wows with his rendition of “7 Years” by Lukas Graham. His final clue is a set of dog tags, which represent the most important things in my life. The panelists guess celebs like Zayn Malik and AJ McLean.

The Piglet during his Group B finals performance. (FOX)

The Crab brings the fun to the stage with his performance of “Give It To Me” by Rick James. After his performance, he suddenly gets a little too hot. He has to be walked off the stage so he can get some air. He returns to the stage to finish the show out. His final clue is a bowler hat.

The last Group B contestant before the wildcard is introduced is the Chameleon. He has so much energy and swag as he performs “It’s Bigger Than Hip Hop” by Dead Prez. His final clue is some hot wings because he’s always cooking up something good in the kitchen. Waka Flocka Flame, Wiz Khalifa, and Machine Gun Kelly are among the guesses.

The Chameleon during the Group B finals. (FOX)

The wildcard is… the Bulldog! In this first clue package, he reveals that he’s had to fend for himself his whole life. He’s also been the “sexiest dog alive.” The Bulldog does admit he’s a “big softie inside.” The Bulldog jams out to “Candy Girl” by New Edition. His final clue is a board that reads, “And live from New York, it’s Saturday night.” The panelists throw out names like Chris Tucker, Chris Rock, and Andy Samberg.

Niecy Nash meant it when she said that this was going to be the most game-changing season yet. She reveals that the vote will not count this week, and she will decide who goes home! She chooses… the BULLDOG! The Bulldog is none other than The Masked Singer host Nick Cannon! He’s back!


The Masked Singer

Pink Guy – Nickelodeon Girls Lyrics

[Intro]
(Hello, Nickelodeon headquarters)
Hi, sorry to disturb you this late in the night
I have a serious inquiry directed toward Nickelodeon
My question is WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?
You know y’all used to have some fire bitches
When I turn on the TV I’m trying to see my favorite bitches
Zoey101? Jennette McCurdy? Oh my God
And now all you got is these preteens
Bruh, I’m not a pedo
I’m not trying to look at these little kids and get aroused
Now I can’t watch Nickelodeon with my dick in my hand anymore
Now I’m fucking upset
This is some fucking bullshit

[Verse]
Dan Schneider
Bring all my bitches back
I need all my bitches, I need all my bitches
The new shit you put out is wack
Dan Schneider
I’m just trying to get an erection
But now that these kids looking 13 and under
My penis will suffer

Dan fucking Schneider (Schneider)
This ain’t a fucking game, bitch
I wanna watch a sitcom
With my hand on my dick
I wanna see a titty (titty)
Not fucking kid shit
Return all the hot chicks
Or you gon get it bitch

ICarly, iCarly
I don’t care if you look like Michael Jackson
As long as you giving me action
And Freddy gon’ film the reaction
Sam gonna join in
And suck me a fat one
Nickelodeon girls
Can’t live without ’em (whew)

Ariana Grande
I know I drive a Hyundai
I can put you in a coma
Have brunch on a Sunday (fancy)
My dick put you in a coffin
All night screaming and tossing
Victoria Justice
I know you tryna touch this

Lizzie McGuire is tight
But I bet Zoey’s tighter
You can find me in her bed
Digging through that vaginer
Amanda Bynes, you a little bit crazy
But you can still have my babies (whew)
Go down like a dog with the rabies
Y’all can’t save me

Uh, a little bit of weed, hard liquor for the ladies
Got me feeling like a young Dan Schneider from the 80’s
With a Jewish law firm and an all black Mercedes
She playing with the balls like Brady (ay)
Fuck off with the shitty little kids with their stupid shit
I only wanna see the ones with a body fit
And I don’t want to be the one to be a little bitch about it
But I’m just saying what everybody is thinking (hahahahaha)
Where the titties at?
Dan Schneider why you ruining your business?
You realize I’d probably buy cable if you keep all the girls
And the ratings all stable
Cuz I ain’t tryin to see a young baby in the cradle
Cuz I’m not a pedophile
I’m not trying to see that shit (c’mon man)

The girls I have sexualized are all in their 20’s and 30’s
(Disclaimer!)
I’m not saying you should change all the bitches
But at least something after 10:30 (30!)

Dan Schneider
Bring all my bitches back
I need all my bitches, I need all my bitches
I need all my bitches back

I love you Dan Schneider, just please bring them back